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Month: April 2026

From the Vaults: April 22, 2026

Inspiration is worth the price of a subscription. More, even.

Because that “green circle” Close Friends shot was just half-assed. Literally—full pictures. Him squatted down, legs spread, back arched. That image was only available for an additional donation to his PayPal or Venmo.

There have been other asses. Real asses—tasted and tongued asses. Massive, meaty asses like this one where no leg day was skipped, or smaller ones like tight globes that fit into a poem. This one is special, though. An ass meant for worship.

I get down on the cold, grimy floor and Cobra-pose myself to it—to savor, to suckle like Maureen under that swollen udder. Hands reaching under thighs like tree trunks, and back around to part the cheeks. Moses and the parting of the Red Cheeks, revealing a promised land of milk and honey. The silky, sweet hole of this beautiful Broadway dancer.

There are other asses as perfectly proportioned, sculpted by the gym as if by the gods themselves—asses of which Michelangelo himself never dared dream. But when you see him dance, the grace and passion of his sweaty movement flowing to the music makes the body so much sexier. I’d lower him off the pedestal I’ve placed him on, only to lower him onto my face.

I’d offer him my hunger like he’s the wolf with the red roses. I place my hunger on the altar, burning it like incense and sacrifice. Let that hunger consume me. The last meal of the condemned. A Last Supper. This is his body I eat.

Why, man, he doth bestride the narrow world / Like a Colossus…

And I the petty man who walks under his huge legs, wait for his moment of rest. When he drops down, he traps my head beneath thighs that ripple—every muscle quivering, pushing the air from my body until I have to laugh at his whole self. It’s like I’m licking my way to oxygen, fervently, feverishly, frantically feasting upon him.

He’s younger than me (who isn’t?), but I’d attack his wholeness with the fervor of a younger man. His fountain would restore my youth. Who knew that his Instagram green circle was the treasure map by which I’d discover such booty to plunder? Or that even the dreams of that booty would jumpstart inspiration?

Doesn’t it always, though? How many hundreds of pages do I scribble in bathhouses? When I die, leave me as I lived: buried in his ass.

Future Rob: This entry was brought to you by N**********

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You showed up on my Grindr again. Seeing your beautiful face is never a bad thing, but in this case, you’ve been gone nearly two months now. I was deep-diving into my starred profiles, and I hadn’t toggled Online, and there you were: a reminder that we now live in a world without you. How far do I have to swipe to reach the past? How fast do I have to swipe to turn back time and say the things unsaid?

Do I leave you starred in Favorites? It would mean seeing you, there, anytime until Grindr removes the profile. But unstarring you feels weird too. Final. Sure, starring you in the first place was maybe weird, because we were friends and its Grindr, but we weren’t “can’t risk ruining the friendship” level friends. Leaving you starred though feels like a recipe for marinating in the possibility. And the possibilities are done.

You won’t be the last and sadly won’t be the first. I can pop over to Scruff and see Ryan’s dimples and abdominals anytime I want. And it’s not just hook-up apps. The numbers remain in my phone – untextable – and then suddenly Snapchat lets me know that my contact Deborah has created a new account; her phone number’s already been given out. The profiles remain on my social media, saving of course those truly unfortunate moments where someone passes during a social media cleanse; those temporarily-deactivated profiles, like the people they represent, are gone forever. But maybe it’s not a legal name on their profile anyway, and it can’t be memorialized, and eventually it will start popping up ads for Raybans or Crypto — but I still won’t want to delete it. To delete you. Because under the hack, there’s the pictures, the memories, the messages we shared, and I’d never want to lose them the way I lost you.

Grief in this age of technology is bizarre. There’s extra layers of complication. There’s new nuance to navigate. Maybe it’s not any harder. What can be harder than the hardest thing ever anyway? Maybe it’s easier in a way, giving some online immortality to people who simply logged off before us. But I saw you on Grindr last night, and god, I just wanted to be able to tap hello.